Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
