My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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