I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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