I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
