At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
