Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
