two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
