If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
