i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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