My nipple is on Facebook.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
