Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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