I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
