You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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