Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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