so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
