I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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