how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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