i was born a porn star she said
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
