Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
