my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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