how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
