he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
handjob tips. give me some.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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