is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
