Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
