Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
