i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
