3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
