hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
there is puke in my bra ... again
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