Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
