If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
