Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
