In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
