Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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