apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
