he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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