I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
