O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
