Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
