Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
