carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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