I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize