Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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