My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
there is glitter all over my balls
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