I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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