I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my being single is dangerous.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
