I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
