Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
