On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
it's great music for shaving your balls
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
