I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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