i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
