Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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