omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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