all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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