Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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